WhatSeparatesMe,fromYou...

I guess I’ve been waiting too long to rant about this. I guess I’ve been procrastinating. Or waiting for the right words.
I just wrote an entire post, and deleted it, because it didn’t ‘feel’ right.

I’m sad. Sometimes I become sad that I had to redo an entire year in high school. I’m supposed to be graduating with all my friends this year, and instead I’m with people, who are technically younger than me. And it sucks. To be honest, I’m happy I made the decision to this entire year again. But I’m kind of sad too. Because I hear everybody talking about how, high school graduation is just the best. It’s such a memorable time, you’re going to remember it for the rest of your life. And then I think about how I’m not going to have anything to remember. And it just… It blows. I could still go for my graduation, but it wont be the same thing. Graduating with people I barely even know. I mean, you’re supposed to graduate with all your friends, people who’ve known you all through high school, people who are going to remember your goofy smile when you go up the stage to collect your certificate. I’ve been with my class for just a year. No one knows anything about me. This is not how it’s supposed to be. That’s why I decided I wouldn’t go to my graduation this year. All my friends are a year above me, and they’ve all graduated together. I’d hate to graduate with people who barely even know me, just ‘cause I ‘want’ to officially graduate. And I guess that kind of makes me sad.
It was my little sister’s farewell/graduation today. And it kind of took a toll on me. She gets to have a graduation, and I hear everyone around saying ‘Oh my God, this is just great, you’re going to remember this forever’, and I just want to go back in time, and erase my mistake so that I would have never had to be in this position.
I wish I was graduating with all my friends. I used to wish my high school graduation was something I could hold on to. And yet, I just want to let it go already. I want time to take all of this, and just whoosh right by me.
And maybe it’s a silly thing to care about. And maybe I’ll forget about it. I mean I’m sure I will. I did all of this for the better. It all worked out for the best. But momentarily, I’m just too caught up in these emotions, and its eating right through me. But I’ll be fine.

I wanted to graduate.